Myla's birth: part 2

The first part of this story is found here, so be sure to read that before you read this. Enjoy!

...At around 10:30am I used the restroom again and felt like I might have the urge to push. I wasn't totally sure what it was supposed to feel like though. Somebody came to check me and there was just a little lip of cervix remaining. When a contraction came on, they instructed me to push gently as they helped ease the cervix out of the way. Suddenly I really had to push! I was surprised at the urge. They told me I was ready! The time was here.

While I was waiting for the doctor, I was instructed to just give little pushes with the contractions. It felt so awkward. The little pushes were accompanied by little breaths and before I knew it I was hyperventilating. I panicked. I had no idea what I was doing. I looked to my mom for support. I am sure she saw the panic in my eyes because she matched it with a look of reassurance as she calmly instructed me on what to do. I was hearing her talk, but I wasn't processing it. I continued to cry out for help. 

Everything from here on out is pretty hazy. I don't know how else to describe it. I am still trying to connect missing dots as to what all happened. I still break out into tears when I think about it all.

I remember the hospital bed reclining down and being raising up. Up towards a very bright light. This was it. Was the doctor even here? She must be. It was probably 11:00am. Somebody is telling me to "push push push push..." as a contraction came on. I don't know why but that voice was soothing and reassuring. I liked her. I still had no idea what I was doing. I couldn't get my breathing right. I fell asleep after the contraction subsided. I felt another contraction and the pushing resumed. I quickly learned that I couldn't hold myself up. I don't even know how or when this happened, but John was holding my left leg, his mom had my right, my dad would lift my head and neck, and my mom was up by the doctor. This went on for the next 40 minutes or so. Push, sleep, push sleep. The contractions were not strong enough or close enough. The baby's head would give a little peek-a-boo, and once the contraction was done, get sucked back up. There was too much resting going on between contractions that any progress made from pushing was backtracked from the sleeping. I was just exhausted. I remember telling the doctor I wanted to sit up. For some reason she insisted I keep laying down. That went against everything I had prepared for. I resisted for a little but it was too difficult to stay focused. Plus I couldn't even hold myself up on my own. 

At around 11:40am the doctor told me to just push even when I wasn't contracting. We tried this for a few minutes and I finally got the hang of it. Suddenly, panic filled the room. I could hear the doctor instructing the nurse to call in the pediatric team. She calmly told me that the baby was in trouble and I needed to get her out. Without hesitation I pushed with every fiber of my being. I could feel the blood rush up to my head. They put on an oxygen mask. I took a breath and gave another push. I could hear John's words of encouragement, "she's right there, just a little harder." I gave one final push and I felt instant relief as her tiny little body came sliding out. 

Apparently in those last few minutes, her heart rate had dropped clear from 140 down into the 40s. There was too much distress in the birth canal and my irregular contractions were not helping to push her out. They immediately clamped the cord, brought her to the other side of the room and started working on her. I heard a cry. That was good. John stayed by my side while my mom and Nancy stayed over by the baby as they suctioned down her air pathway and rubbed her skin to be sure she was responding well. 

I began to hemorrhage. I was losing a lot of blood. They quickly gave me pitocin to help with the uterus contractions and the blood clotting. I remember feeling calm. I was strangely at peace with everything. I wasn't panicking to hold my baby. I just knew she was ok. John told me about how much blood there was. I wasn't worried. I looked around the room and tried to take it all in. The room was packed. There were about 15-20 people there. On top of that, I felt the presence of angels. It wasn't a claustrophobic feeling, but more of a comforting, embracing feeling. They were all there to help.

When circumstances began to get complicated and I was under pressure to push her out, I know that it wasn't just me that did all of the work. I couldn't have. I was exhausted and my thinking was so muffled. The scripture Doctrine and Covenants 84:88 comes to mind. "And whoso receiveth [Christ,] there will I be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." 

After the hemorrhaging subsided and I expelled the placenta, they began to stitch me up. They said it was just a tiny tear but it seriously took them about 20 minutes to fix it. I later learned that the ladies doing the stitching were students. Awesome. While they finished I finally got to hold my precious baby girl. They laid her skin to skin on my chest. I was amazed at her strength and curiosity. She propped her head up on her elbows and looked directly into my eyes. I will forever remember the look she gave me. Soon after, she nuzzled her way down to my breast and quickly latched on. She was a natural. Me? Not so much. It was a little awkward to get the hang of. 

We named her Myla Joy and she has since lived up to that name, for she brings more joy into our lives than we could have ever imagined. She made her way into our world at 11:45am on the 21st of January, 2014. She weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces, and measured 20 inches long. We love her so much and feel so blessed to be her parents.

The whole experience was not ideal but overall I got what I wanted. There were just bumps along the way that I was not exactly prepared for. If any of my next labors are like this one I will ask for pitocin when it comes time to push to help keep my contractions consistent and proactive. Not once did I ever think to get an epidural which I am grateful for. Recovery went rather smoothly also. John stayed with me that night and then had to work the following day unfortunately. My mother in-law, Nancy, stayed with me in the hospital instead. I am so blessed to have her as my second mother. She got some grandma time in, which gave me the chance to catch up on some sleep. My parents took that time to catch up on sleep as well. I was fortunate enough to be discharged that night and sleep in my own bed. I am extremely grateful to have so many loved ones in my life and I feel overwhelmed with love for all of them.

Thank you all for reading my story. I would love to hear any of your comments.

(photo credit: myself)

xoxo, Missy Dorius