Myla's birth: part 2

The first part of this story is found here, so be sure to read that before you read this. Enjoy!

...At around 10:30am I used the restroom again and felt like I might have the urge to push. I wasn't totally sure what it was supposed to feel like though. Somebody came to check me and there was just a little lip of cervix remaining. When a contraction came on, they instructed me to push gently as they helped ease the cervix out of the way. Suddenly I really had to push! I was surprised at the urge. They told me I was ready! The time was here.

While I was waiting for the doctor, I was instructed to just give little pushes with the contractions. It felt so awkward. The little pushes were accompanied by little breaths and before I knew it I was hyperventilating. I panicked. I had no idea what I was doing. I looked to my mom for support. I am sure she saw the panic in my eyes because she matched it with a look of reassurance as she calmly instructed me on what to do. I was hearing her talk, but I wasn't processing it. I continued to cry out for help. 

Everything from here on out is pretty hazy. I don't know how else to describe it. I am still trying to connect missing dots as to what all happened. I still break out into tears when I think about it all.

I remember the hospital bed reclining down and being raising up. Up towards a very bright light. This was it. Was the doctor even here? She must be. It was probably 11:00am. Somebody is telling me to "push push push push..." as a contraction came on. I don't know why but that voice was soothing and reassuring. I liked her. I still had no idea what I was doing. I couldn't get my breathing right. I fell asleep after the contraction subsided. I felt another contraction and the pushing resumed. I quickly learned that I couldn't hold myself up. I don't even know how or when this happened, but John was holding my left leg, his mom had my right, my dad would lift my head and neck, and my mom was up by the doctor. This went on for the next 40 minutes or so. Push, sleep, push sleep. The contractions were not strong enough or close enough. The baby's head would give a little peek-a-boo, and once the contraction was done, get sucked back up. There was too much resting going on between contractions that any progress made from pushing was backtracked from the sleeping. I was just exhausted. I remember telling the doctor I wanted to sit up. For some reason she insisted I keep laying down. That went against everything I had prepared for. I resisted for a little but it was too difficult to stay focused. Plus I couldn't even hold myself up on my own. 

At around 11:40am the doctor told me to just push even when I wasn't contracting. We tried this for a few minutes and I finally got the hang of it. Suddenly, panic filled the room. I could hear the doctor instructing the nurse to call in the pediatric team. She calmly told me that the baby was in trouble and I needed to get her out. Without hesitation I pushed with every fiber of my being. I could feel the blood rush up to my head. They put on an oxygen mask. I took a breath and gave another push. I could hear John's words of encouragement, "she's right there, just a little harder." I gave one final push and I felt instant relief as her tiny little body came sliding out. 

Apparently in those last few minutes, her heart rate had dropped clear from 140 down into the 40s. There was too much distress in the birth canal and my irregular contractions were not helping to push her out. They immediately clamped the cord, brought her to the other side of the room and started working on her. I heard a cry. That was good. John stayed by my side while my mom and Nancy stayed over by the baby as they suctioned down her air pathway and rubbed her skin to be sure she was responding well. 

I began to hemorrhage. I was losing a lot of blood. They quickly gave me pitocin to help with the uterus contractions and the blood clotting. I remember feeling calm. I was strangely at peace with everything. I wasn't panicking to hold my baby. I just knew she was ok. John told me about how much blood there was. I wasn't worried. I looked around the room and tried to take it all in. The room was packed. There were about 15-20 people there. On top of that, I felt the presence of angels. It wasn't a claustrophobic feeling, but more of a comforting, embracing feeling. They were all there to help.

When circumstances began to get complicated and I was under pressure to push her out, I know that it wasn't just me that did all of the work. I couldn't have. I was exhausted and my thinking was so muffled. The scripture Doctrine and Covenants 84:88 comes to mind. "And whoso receiveth [Christ,] there will I be also, for I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." 

After the hemorrhaging subsided and I expelled the placenta, they began to stitch me up. They said it was just a tiny tear but it seriously took them about 20 minutes to fix it. I later learned that the ladies doing the stitching were students. Awesome. While they finished I finally got to hold my precious baby girl. They laid her skin to skin on my chest. I was amazed at her strength and curiosity. She propped her head up on her elbows and looked directly into my eyes. I will forever remember the look she gave me. Soon after, she nuzzled her way down to my breast and quickly latched on. She was a natural. Me? Not so much. It was a little awkward to get the hang of. 

We named her Myla Joy and she has since lived up to that name, for she brings more joy into our lives than we could have ever imagined. She made her way into our world at 11:45am on the 21st of January, 2014. She weighed 7 pounds, 3 ounces, and measured 20 inches long. We love her so much and feel so blessed to be her parents.

The whole experience was not ideal but overall I got what I wanted. There were just bumps along the way that I was not exactly prepared for. If any of my next labors are like this one I will ask for pitocin when it comes time to push to help keep my contractions consistent and proactive. Not once did I ever think to get an epidural which I am grateful for. Recovery went rather smoothly also. John stayed with me that night and then had to work the following day unfortunately. My mother in-law, Nancy, stayed with me in the hospital instead. I am so blessed to have her as my second mother. She got some grandma time in, which gave me the chance to catch up on some sleep. My parents took that time to catch up on sleep as well. I was fortunate enough to be discharged that night and sleep in my own bed. I am extremely grateful to have so many loved ones in my life and I feel overwhelmed with love for all of them.

Thank you all for reading my story. I would love to hear any of your comments.

(photo credit: myself)

xoxo, Missy Dorius

Myla's birth: part 1

I was recently thrown back to last mother's day. My family was all gathered together and John and I were sitting next to each other, hardly able to keep our excitement in. The window of opportunity arose and I told my siblings that John and I got Mom the best mother's day present ever: her 34th grandchild! My sister Cindy seemed especially interested, asking questions about my missed period, expected date of birth, etc. After giving her answers, she informed us that we would actually be having the 35th grandchild because she was expecting the 34th. We were all shocked and ecstatic!

Exactly one year later, we took a trip to Idaho to bless our sweet baby girl. It was a very special day, but I will share more about that in another post. This post is all about how baby Myla made her big entrance into our lives. I have sat down many times with an attempt to write down Myla's birth story, but I am always at a loss for words. Well, almost four months have passed and I think I am ready.

My plan was to have a natural, vaginal birth. I wanted to go into spontaneous labor and progress without any pitocin or other interventions. I didn't want any pain medication, epidurals, IVs, or monitors. I wanted to avoid having a c-section and any other complications. Overall, I just wanted to do what my body was created to do, and have a happy, healthy baby girl. Not everything went the way I planned but I feel blessed to have had the experience.

It was around 10:00am on my due date, January 20th, when I felt the first contraction. I was walking around a store we have here in Oklahoma City called Garden Ridge. It is the perfect place to walk around in without getting bored. There are just so many cool things to look at! My mom, dad, and mother in-law were there with me and John was at work. At the time I didn't realize it was a true labor contraction. It just felt like a period cramp. All I had known up until that point were Braxton Hicks contractions and those felt nothing like what I was feeling. I thought I may have lost my mucous plug but I wasn't totally positive. It wasn't until about 3:00pm that I realized that those period cramps I was feeling were true labor contractions. 

My mom and mother in-law kept me company while I bounced on my birthing ball and timed each contraction: 5 minutes, 7 minutes, 2 minutes, 3 minutes... They were all so sporadic. At this point we weren't sure if I was in early labor because they were so irregular. John got off work at 5:00pm and called me up to tell me he was going to go to the gym before he came home. John came down with some serious flu-like symptoms the day before and he thought that maybe some good adrenaline could help him get better quicker. I told him I thought I was in labor but not totally positive. He opted to come home instead.

Was this it? Was it really happening? I was hopeful but I didn't want to get too excited in case the contractions stopped. They were still really irregular. Some would jump from 10 minutes apart all the way to 2 minutes, then back up again. It was a bit frustrating but I just tried to relax. I did some walking, squatting, bouncing, pelvic rocks, just anything to quicken the pace of things. We experimented with different positions. I quickly learned that even though my back labor was intense, any pressure that John used to try and ease it just made it worse. The pain wasn't too bad. At the time I remember thinking I was getting pretty uncomfortable, but it was nothing compared to what was still to come. 

I convinced John to try and get some sleep because he was probably not going to get any before he had to work again. Plus us women were going to watch Dear John to pass the time and I knew he wouldn't care to watch. My Dad rested as well. 

Before I continue I want to clear something up that I'm sure many of you are thinking. I can hear the voices now... you had your mom, dad, and mother in-law there with you? That's right. It's what John and I wanted. John and I took Bradley Method classes to help prepare the both of us as a team, but I knew that I would need my mom there for support as well. My mom has had nine non-medicated vaginal births and she has been there for probably 25 of my nieces and nephews births. None of them have been c-sections either. In a way she was like my personal doula. It was wonderful. My mom doesn't like to travel too far without my dad so he came along as well and I am so grateful to have had him there for the experience. John's mom, Nancy, is a mother and baby nurse so none of this is new to her. Plus she is just such a sweetheart and I was happy to share the experience with her as well. Everybody played a roll and I don't think I could have done it without them.

Time passed. We all started to get a little anxious in the little apartment John and I have. I tried to lay down and rest but it was helpless. There was no way I could relax enough to sleep. I opted to get in the shower instead. That was nice. I turned the water hotter than I normally would. It helped take my mind off of the intense pressure I was experiencing in my back with every contraction. I blow dried my hair and even gave it a bit of curl. What else was I going to do? 

I began to wonder how far I had dilated. Just two days previously I went in for a checkup and I was already dilated to a 3. Maybe I would be at a 4 or 5 now. I hoped so. Was it time to go to the hospital? I read that if the pain gets unbearable, your water breaks or if contractions are getting closer and closer together then it is time to go to the hospital. Well my water hadn't broken, I had no idea if the pain was unbearable or not, and my contractions were still irregular. It was definitely painful but I've never done this before. I decided that maybe we should start getting everything put into the cars and ready to go. If I could go back in time and do this part again, I would have stayed at our apartment much longer, but I was just too anxious. 

It was about 12:30am on the 21st when we got into the cars and started heading to OU Children's Hospital. Did we have everything we needed? My thoughts went to the baby girl inside of me. With every contraction she was that much closer to entering the world and into our lives. I couldn't believe it was so close. Little did I know we still had over 10 hours left before we would meet her.

John and I went to triage and waited in an empty room for a nurse to come check me and see if we could be admitted. We waited for probably 30 minutes with a fetal monitor on. That was much longer than I wanted. Up until this point I had wondered if maybe I just wasn't very good at timing my contractions and that's why they were so irregular. The fetal monitor told us that was not the case. It was crazy to see how irregular they were. Surely they should have regularized by now. But they didn't. My frustration grew. Finally they checked me and I was at a 5 and fully effaced. That was good! But a five was only half way there. 

By the time we got settled into our birthing suite it was 2:00am. All of the nurses and doctors that came in to check on me were great. They were all extremely kind and genuine. However, most patients at this hospital are high risk, so the nurses and doctors seemed overly precocious and wanted to draw blood to run test after test. There was no reason to think that there would be complications other than the fact that they had seen so many deliveries with complications and they didn't want to take any chances. I can understand their concern.

This is where everything halted and little progress was made. My body was overcome with shivers. You know when you're cold and you can't stop shivering? Well it was like that. Except I wasn't cold. I don't know why I was shivering. I tried eating and drinking water. Nothing. They weighed me down with heated blankets. Nothing. I couldn't get my body to stop shaking and relax. The only thing I can link it to is anxiety. At the time I didn't feel anxious. I was as calm as I could be, but looking back I think my body was just getting a little overly excited for what was coming. It took every ounce of concentration and focus to relax and breathe through each contraction. 

I tried walking and moving around but every time I did, the shivers got worse and I couldn't handle them. It was probably 4:00am when I got in the bath. I sat crossed legged, faced the back wall and pulled onto the stability bar to ease the contractions. The warm water helped. The shivers eased up and I was able to relax. John stayed by my side and talked me through them. The water began to get cold and I was shaking again. We tried to fill the tub with some more hot water but the pressure was so low and it took so much time. Plus it wasn't warming up. John helped me out and quickly covered me with towels to warm myself before the shivers got uncontrollable.

I took my place in a reclining chair since I couldn't stand, let alone move around. I didn't plan to have any monitoring while I was laboring, but since I was just sitting there it wasn't such a bad thing. When a contraction came I would sit on the edge and rock through it. Once it subsided I would lean back into the chair and sleep. I did this for several hours. Contraction, sleep, contraction, sleep... Everybody else was sleeping anywhere they could. They were all there for me. For the grand entrance of our baby girl. I felt so lucky to have so many loved ones present. I was overcome with gratitude for them all. 

2 hours passed and I wanted to be examined again to see if we had made any progress. Still at a five, still inconsistent contractions, and still shivering. How much longer could I last? I wanted to eat something. I wasn't hungry but I just knew I needed something inside of me. John got me a Naked juice. He knows how much I love that stuff. Unfortunately I wasn't able to keep it down. I wasn't even able to keep water down. Oh well. I settled for ice chips. Actually, I love ice chips! Plus they had the crunchiest, yummiest ice chips ever. John spoon fed me ice chips when I would give him the signal of opening my mouth. Looking back this sounds completely ridiculous haha. What was I doing with my hands that I was so incapable of putting a spoon into my mouth? I guess I had more important things on my mind. 

At some point I knew I needed to do something to hurry things along. I asked John to give me a blessing. To be honest I don't even remember what was said but soon after I knew I wanted to try and get up. John helped me get up. I only made it from the recliner to the hospital bed. Then I rested. Contraction, sleep, contraction, sleep. 5 minutes, 2 minutes, 7 minutes, 3 minutes. Why were they so irregular? I squeezed John as hard as I could to get through the pain. He was an angel. 

My mom gave John a break and helped me use the restroom. As I was sitting there, I could tell my water had broke. I remember a smile coming across my face. After hours of heavy labor I still had room to smile. That was a good sign. We were getting closer and I knew I could do this. When I got back to the hospital bed I saw my sheets and realized that my water must have ruptured earlier than I thought. The nurses changed the linens, I got settled down again, and they checked me once again. I was at an 8! An 8 at 8:00am. 

I returned to my recliner and instead of rocking through the contractions, I stood up, faced John, and leaned onto him. It was actually a little more than just a lean. I pulled down on him. I'm surprised he could even hold all of the weight and pressure I was putting on him, but let's face it, my husband is a rock.

Sorry to leave you all hanging, but I will resume the rest of the story tomorrow. I didn't realize this would be so extremely long. Stay tuned for the big finale! 

(photo credit: my mother in-law, Nancy)

xoxo, Missy Dorius